Midnight Ravings, Midnight Cravings
by Moony vs. Padfoot
Summary: The Marauders have midnight ravings & cravings! What horrors will occur during these cravings? Curlers, pears, stunning, tap dancing, pancakes, and sleepwalking galore! Rated T for much cursing.


Midnight Ravings, Midnight Cravings

By Padfoot (Happy now? I put you first, Paddy! –Moony), Moony, Savannah, and Jenna

Disclaimer: All characters that you recognize are the property of JK Rowling. We are not respsonsible for any loss of your brain when reading this, nor are we liable to any harm done looking for pancakes, pears, and teddy bears in the lake. We are also not to blame if you lose your curlers, or find yourself feetle (can't find it in the dictionary!) position in the air. Any harm done to you when reading this fic should not be blamed on us. Thank you. We bid you good day!

This fic was written with our guests, Savannah and Jenna, friends from school. We were role-playing at school, because we were bored, and here is the end result! Enjoy! (stay tuned for green jello chapter!). It HAS been altered slightly, as it was originially written in script form. Hope you don't mind the changes, Paddy, Savvy,and Jenna, if you're reading this!

Chapter 1: Pancakes

It was a very silent night. Darkness had settled over the common room. Everyone was sleeping peacefully, Remus sleeping on his back, his hands folded over his stomach, breathing rhythmically, James hugging his teddy bear and snoring gently, Peter, almost falling of the bed, and Sirius in an odd, sprawled position. It was all very silent and quiet. Until…

"**MOONY!** What did you do with my pancakes?" Sirius demanded.

Remus suddenly woke up, looking very sheepish.

"Er… about that… they uh… somewhere in the uh… the… lake… er…" Remus mumbled.

"Why are my precious pancakes in the lake!" Sirius yelled.

"Uh… I don't really remember… Think I was sleepwalking… woke up… found myself…"

"Why were you sleepwalking! Why didn't you stop yourself!"

At this point, James and Peter woke up.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE SCREAMING ABOUT!" James yelled.

"Did I hear… _pancakes_?" Peter asked.

"You can't stop yourself from sleepwalking!" Remus said, completely ignoring James and Peter's comments.

"How do you know that you can't? You probably could! You just **wanted **to murder those innocent pancakes?"

"How's a man supposed to get his beauty rest with all this –censored-?" James screamed, clearly in a cranky mood.

"What the hell is wrong with you people! How could you do such a thing to poor, innocent pancakes?" Peter asked.

"I was SLEEPWALKING!" Remus shouted, angry that they were all blaming him for a mistake.

"Can you prove that? NO!" Sirius yelled back.

"For god's sake, SHUT THE HELL UP, GODDAMMIT!" James screamed.

"We don't care about your stupid beauty rest!" Remus yelled.

"I recommend taping his eyes open, so he can't "sleepwalk" and "accidentally" throw your pancakes in the lake," Peter said.

However, Remus suddenly changed the whole topic. Like a trance, in fact…

"Hey wait – did you hear that?" Remus began to mutter. "Giant pancake… lurking in the dark…"

Sirius scratched his head, bewildered.

"… what … just … happened?" he asked.

"AHH! They're coming for me!" Remus screamed.

James laughed a maniac's evil laughter, and said, "I hope it kills you all!"

Peter snorted, and said sarcastically, "James getes psychotic when he misses his beauty sleep."

Sirius shook his head, then spoke again. "I didn't notice… BUT - we need to get back on the subject. Where **ARE MY GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING PANCAKES**!"

James was getting very agitated at this point –

"WHO CARES!"

Sirius just as agitated –

"I DO!"

Remus very angry as well.

"IN THE LAKE!" he screamed.

In fact, Remus was so angry that he was willing to use the one, and only weapon…

_THE PEAR._

"For gods sake! Where is the PEAR!"

James was just as mad. So mad in fact that –

"I'm so mad, my curlers are falling out! You people owe me new curlers – goddammit!"

Peter however, seemed to be noticing other things.

"Uh… James… I don't think it's just your curlers that are falling out…" he said.

Meanwhile, Remus was still muttering and rumaging in his trunk.

"Pear… pear… c'mon… I had it _somewhere_!" he muttered.

Sirius was still quite angry about the pancakes.

"YEAH! And I thought my g.d.m.f. PANCAKES were somewhere too!

James was, however, dwelling on something else.

"Pear?" he tackled Remus and hit him with curlers. "Me want pear! ………. Goddammit!"

"Mmmmm… pancakes…" Peter said.

Remus, apparently, had finally found the pear. He held it up, and the golden light glinted on it.

"AHA!" he yelled triumphantly.

James was too quick –

"Mine!" he yelled gleefully. He grabbed the pear and ran in circles. "I got pear! I got pear!" he yelled, and repeated it in a songlike manner.

Sirius, meanwhile, whimpered and hid in a corner. "The Pear is the Devil himself," he moaned.

Peter jumped up and grabbed James' curlers.

"I got hair! I got hair!" he said, and repeated it too in a songlike manner.

Remus was getting very irritated.

"Give it to me! ACCIO PEAR!" he yelled.

The pear zoomed into his outstretched hands.

"ACCIO PEAR!" Sirius yelled, grabbing the pear. He then, chucked it into the lake through the open window. "Call that sleepwalking shit!"

"WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" Peter shouted. James' curlers lifted him up into the air.

James was upset.

"NO! CURLERS, WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME SO!"

He then looked at Remus and fluttered his eyelashes.

"Tell me I'm pretty."

Remus glared and suddenly noticed that –

"Why are we up in the middle of the night?"

And Sirius was very quick to answer, for pancakes were still on his mind.

"Because MOONY stole my g.d.m.f. PANCAKES!"

James was still hanging in the air…

"Will you people SHUT UP AND GET ME DOWN!"

Peter was trying to remember the counter spell.

"I forget what the counter spell is… um… uhh… ohhh… oooo."

Remus smiled. For he was the smart one out of the four of them.

"I know what it is," he said, grinning evilly. "But I won't tell you!"

Sirius seemed to find the situation hilarious… He looked up athis airborne friend, and…

"HA! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Haha! Ha! Hahaha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

James was very angry.

"DAMN YOU ALL, GODDAMMIT!"

Peter was still thinking very hard.

"Mmm… uhh… ohh… ooomm, wait I think I've got it… no that's not it."

Remus had an evil plan on his mind though…

"Here, here," he said with fake sympathy. Only to throw… "RICTUSEMPRA!"

Sirius was still laughing.

"Ha! Ha ha! Ha --------------------------"

He took a deep breath and…

"HA! Ha ha!"

James simply cried, "Goddammit!"

Peter was still thinking…

"Um… oh….. mmmm… oooo… Wait, I know it this time! PICKLE JUICE!"

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"That's not even a real spell! This one is though… Scourigfy! You need it, you know how many times you've cursed today?" he said, as bubbles issued out of James' mouth.

Sirius was still laughing…

"Ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!" he took another deep breath… "**HA**!"

James was hysterical with terror.

"NO! NOT THE BUBBLES!"

So hysterical, that he went into a feetle position – in the air.

Peter was annoyed at Sirius, who kept laughing on and on.

"Sirius…… SIRIUS SHUT UP! …. Fine then … STUPEFY!"

Remus, meanwhile, smiled.

"Two down… one to go," he said. Then he turned to Peter, smiling evilly. "Now… tagallatera!"

Sirius was stunned, but was somehow managing to speak…

"No! I'm too handsome to be stunned! Someone say the countercurse so I can flip my hair – one – last – time!" he yelled hysterically.

THUD! James fell to the floor.

"Now, for my REVENGE!" he yelled. He then got a chainsaw… "SOMEBODY STOP ME!" And ran like a madman.

Peter waas still tap dancing, and tapped himself behind the stunned Sirius for protection.

Remus kept his cool, and said to Sirius – "No." Then, "And, James – Wingardium Leviosa!"

Sirius was sobbing, and vainly attempting to flip his hair. "Why? I just – want to flip my damn hair!" he whined.

"You guys are so mean!" James yelled, starting to cry.

"HELLO! REMUS, I'M STILL TAPPING HERE!"

Remus smiled fakely. He was enjoying this moment.

"Ok… ok… I'll help you Peter! Wingardium Leviosa! Sirius – Enervate (not sure if I spelled that right), just because… I can do this! Wingardium Leviosa!"

Sirius was very strong though, and smiled triumphantly. "Ah-ha!" He then flipped his hair, and fell to the floor with an almighty THUD.

James was still crying – until… "Wait!" He stopped crying. "I have my wand!" He pointed it Remus and said… "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" He shouted, laughing evilly.

Peter realized this suddenly too, and pulled out his wand.

"HaHA! Now for your turn, Remus. _Expelliarmus!_"

Remus' wand flew out of his hand, and onto the floor with a clatter.

Remus struggled, and broke the spell, and fell down too. He dove for his wand.

"You guys can't do stuff. You copy my homework all the time! It's only fair that I can torture you guys. Now then, since YOU made me fly – stupefy! Since YOU made my wand fall away – stupefy! And I'd really like to stun Sirius, but he didn't do anything. I'll leave him alone – until he says something," he said.

Sirius tried to be good so that Remus would not stun him. But he failed.

"DAMN you Moony! I NEED my g.d.m.f. PANCAKES!" he yelled.

James was sobbing, though stunned.

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME! WAAAAAAAAH!"

Peter broke the stunning spell by trying to get away at James. He then pointed his wand at him –

"SILENCIO!"

Remus suddenly thought of something –

"Hold on – Sirius – you never HAD pancakes…"

"YE ------------------" Sirius started, but shut up for a second. "What? ….. Uhh…. I think Moony's right. I hever had pancakes."

And as soon as Sirius said this, all the spells reversed. James hit the ground and said –

"Sirius, I hate you," James said with an evil stare.

Peter stopped tap dancing… "Mmm… panca ---- WHAT!"

Remus was getting angry as all realization came back to him.

"Ok – so we're up in the middle of the night for NO REASON! Let's kill him!"

James and Peter held out their wands with evil grins. "GLADLY!" they said, glints in their eyes.

Sirius became terrified. "AHHH!" And he bolted out the dormitory and into the common room, then hid behind the couch.

Remus looked after him.

"Uh… should we tell him we aren't REALLY gonna kill him?" he asked.

James shrugged, "Nah." He then curled up on the floor with a teddy bear. "Good night!" he said, and fell asleep.

Peter, meanwhile, pushed James under the bed and takes his spot on the flor. He then threw the teddy out the window, which fell in the lake.

"We'll let him sweat awhile," he said, smugly, and grinned.

_The End!_


End file.
